Fostering Love: Journey to Approval

It's been a while, but we are so excited to start sharing an exciting journey with you! See, fostering is something that we have talked about for a long time. We always said that it would be hard to love them and lose them. We also said we'd probably do it after we had more kids of our own and they were older. I'm going to share a brief (super brief) snapshot of our journey from inquiry to approval.

Sometime in early 2017, a friend (who was already a foster parent) shared a couple of things about foster care. First, she shared the numbers for our county. At the time, we had less than 20 DFCS foster homes and nearly 200 children in our county that were in state custody. Later, she shared a post that was basically "If you've ever said _____ about becoming a foster parent, you'd be perfect" and it was a list of 3-5 bullet points. We realized then that it wasn't about how much it would hurt us when they left, it's more about the love we can give them while they're with us. That's when we decided to find out more about the process.

On May 15, 2017, we attended a prospective foster parent information meeting. It was a brief session where they told us what we could expect of the process and more about the need in our county. We were able to complete our IMPACT pre-service training classes in June 2017. All that left was finishing up the paperwork and home visits.

We finished up all of our visits in late fall and had our last bit of paperwork submitted in early January. The sub-contractor that wrote our home study report submitted it to our county DFCS at the end of January. Now it was time for three people to review the home study and gives us the final decision. Our case manager had to come out and take a few more pictures of the house per her supervisor's request. Then just more waiting.

After nearly eleven months after we started the process, we received the call on April 9, 2018 (two weeks ago) that we were approved. Our case manager said that our new case manager would be reaching out soon to set up a transition meeting so that we could begin accepting placements. Receiving that call brought so many emotions. We had waited for this, and now the time was finally here!

Book Review: Habit Changers by M.J. Ryan

I've heard good things about M.J. Ryan's books, but I hadn't ever read any of them. Well, I grabbed this book up and started reading! Habit Changers is a book full of mantras and advice to help you reach your goals in life. 

Ryan organized the book of mantras by categories such as acceptance, communication, prioritization, self-care, and so much more. Seriously, she thought of it all. And it really works let me tell you!  

Manda and I were excited when the book delivered, and we cracked it open to see what it was all about. We explored the whole book at first, but then we decided to pick a couple of mantras to focus on for a little while. 

The first one we chose was in the 'Happiness' category: "Change it, leave it, or accept it." This one really hit home for us, because there are some things we haven't been happy with in our lives. We kept repeating this mantra to ourselves, and it really has helped make a difference. We changed up and rearranged our whole house thanks to this mantra, and we have been so much happier with our living space as a result!

The second one we chose came from the 'Procrastination' section: "All you need is the first action." We are both so bad about procrastinating! Do you ever feel like you don't know what to do when you have a long to do list or large project looming over you?! This is us! But I can say this mantra really helped me. When I would start feeling anxious about something I had to do and trying to figure out all of the steps, I would remind myself that I only needed the first step.

I really enjoyed this book as not only does Ryan provide the mantras, but she shares stories of clients she has worked with (or personal stories of herself) and how these mantras have helped.

Have you read Habit Changers? If so, share your favorite mantra and/or how it helped you below in the comments! If not, I definitely recommend it! Let us know if you decide to check it out!

This post contains affiliate links, which means I receive compensation if you make a purchase using this link. 

For more information about the book and author click here.

I received this book from Blogging for Books for this review.

Hello August: Let's Crush Some Goals

I honestly cannot believe it is August 1st! For us this marks the end of summer and the beginning of the school year. I can't believe how fast summer passed (or the past 7 months for that matter). I'm excited to take on the next five months though! New month, new vision, new goals! Let's do this!

August 2016 Goals

- Read more - We bought all 3 of us Kindle Fires on Prime Day. We also joined a group on GoodReads that does a group read as well as yearly, quarterly, and monthly challenges. We also want to spend more time doing some silent reading with Lil Man. He has worked really hard to complete his annual 100 book summer challenge, but we want to make sure he sees us reading too. 

- Get Organized & Stay Organized - This is a never ending goal for us. My ADD and anxiety battle each other on this front. I either 1)can't seem to focus long enough to get organized, 2) can't focus on it long enough for it to become a habit, or 3) come up with something too complicated for my ADD brain to stick to doing. Then when things are chaotic my anxiety kicks in and I have to dig myself out. I want to actually finish setting up our "command center" we started in January.

- Focus on School - For us and Lil Man, I want to make sure we're focused on school better than we were in the spring. It's time to buckle down. Lil Man is starting 5th grade this year and we're starting our 3rd semester for our Masters degree. 

- Learn to Sew - We got a sewing machine for Christmas a couple of years ago. I've always wanted to learn how to sew. Well we finally opened the box. Yes, we've had it for couple of years still sealed in the top of a closet. But now it's open and we picked up some scrap fabric, so it's time to get started. 

- Leave Work at Work - Ok, so this one is a hard one for me, but I'm really trying. I have too much other stuff to accomplish to keep working endlessly for someone else. 

- Be Consistent (with Our Side Gigs & Hobbies) - So I want to be more consistent in life overall, but especially in our side gigs and hobbies. I want to post on here more. I want to continue to build my R + F business. I also want us to continue to focus on growing our TpT store and that blog. We also just opened an Etsy store, and I'd like to maybe start a blog for that too. 

- Be More Social/Network More - This is both a personal goal and professional/side gig goal. We have no social life. It's work, school, and dance for us; so I want to spend more time with people we care about. I also want to spend more time networking with other bloggers, teacher-authors, and Etsy shop owners. 

- Screen-free Family Time - I want to make it a point to take time for some screen-free family time amidst our crazy schedules. 

Well there you have it. There's my August goals! Some of these goals will carry over into other months and some will become more specific as time goes on. 

What are your goals this month? 

The Anxiety Sufferer's Guide to Holiday Gatherings

The holidays can be an absolutely magical time of year. However, it can also be a very stressful time of the year, especially if you already suffer from anxiety. Let me say, I love holidays and I love the idea of holiday gatherings. I really do love the holiday season, but sometimes my anxiety can take over and make holiday gatherings insufferable.

Let's face it, even if you don't experience anxiety throughout the rest of the year, the holidays can be stressful. Gift buying, travel plans, logistics of get-togethers, small talk...the list goes on.

Holiday family gatherings are a huge stress point. You're getting ready. Did I wrap all the presents? Did I forget anyone? What should I wear? Did I wear this last year? Will it be hot or cold in the house? How long does it take to get there? What time should I leave? Should I arrive early? Who all will be there this year?

You arrive and find yourself making small talk with your irritating lovely family members. Maybe it's your uncle who is just socially unacceptable, your grandmother who is the ultimate scrooge, your sibling who's short fuse could cause an explosion at any moment, or maybe it's your sweet aunt who is overly concerned with the details of your life.

Finally, dinner is ready. Do you fix your plate first or do you wait until others start? Who do you sit beside? For my family, we have to strategically place people at the dinner table to relieve individual stressors. What will the topics of discussion be at the table? Will someone get upset?

You make it through dinner, with or without a hitch; it's over. Now it's time to exchange presents. Who passes out presents? Who opens first or does everyone open at once? Is anyone paying attention? Did I spend enough or too much? Does he/she like my present? Wait, what did my face look like when I opened that gift?

You pulled through the present exchanges. More small talk? When do I leave? Do I leave first or wait until someone else leaves? Do I want to take leftovers?

Now you're home. Did I leave too early? Did he/she really like my gift? Was I smiling when I opened sweet aunt's odd gift?

Does any of this sound familiar? Most, if not all, of these go through my head before, during, and after every holiday gathering. I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack.

Here's some ways to deal with some of the holiday gathering stressors:

Stay busy. If waiting around and mingling is a concern for you, keep yourself busy. Ask your host if you can help with something. Or maybe you can get some quality time in with the little ones of the family.

The small talk. Whether in moments of waiting, at the table, or whenever; all small talk cannot always be avoided. Think of some ways to compliment family members and ways to respond to compliments. Also, think about how you can respond to those prying questions ahead of time so that you don't have to have a mini panic attack in your head when they're asked.

Dinner and leftovers. If this is an issue for you, think about how you can handle it. If your host doesn't have a seating arrangement, then before dinner, decide who you can sit beside. Do you want leftovers? Maybe you know you won't eat them, but you can't make yourself tell your well-meaning host "no thanks." It's ok to take a small helping of leftovers you may not eat to avoid a stressful inner debate.

The gifts. Thankfully, my family has now set a dollar limit on how much we spend on each other (just the adults), so the stress of whether I spent the same, more, or less is not a concern anymore. Discuss with your family about setting a per person spending limit. We have the kids pass out the gifts from under the tree. And we either go from youngest to oldest; take turns youngest, oldest, next youngest, next oldest; or pass out and open one gift at a time. It's best to discuss it with you family and decide beforehand if possible.

Support. Do you have a significant other or close family member who understands you? Or maybe you can bring a friend? Have a support system in place to help calm your nerves. If you don't have someone that can be there with you, arrange with friend or other family member to be able to text or call them when you need a break. 

Don't wait. You know what it feels like when you're on the verge of an anxiety attack. You also know signs that your anxiety is setting in. (Although sometimes, it hits too quickly to realize it beforehand.) Ahead of time, think about strategies you use on a regular basis to calm yourself. As soon as you feel your anxiety building, put them to use. Take deep breaths, close your eyes, walk outside or to another room, visualize your "happy place," or whatever helps you.

Look for the positive. Even if you have a lot of holiday stressors, there is something that you enjoy about your family get-togethers. Keep reminding yourself that it's coming. Or when you've made it through a particularly stressful situation, reward yourself. Maybe that means a mental praise of yourself, a goofy grin, or an extra piece of pie; just do it.

Plan ahead. One of the biggest ways to help make those holiday get-togethers less stressful is to plan ahead as much as possible. In stead of waiting until the day of to plan your outfit and travel times, do it the day or even the week before the event. If you're afraid to wear the same outfit as last year, then look back at last year's pictures before planning your outfit. Or treat yourself to a new snazzy outfit. Most all of the other stressor topics above can be helped with some pre-planning as well.

Now, that's not to say that you need to try to plan every single small detail of the event to avoid all of your stressors. Just focus on your major stress points and plan those details. For the rest, just think over the possibilities to help calm yourself as needed.

And when it's over, instead of stressing about what you think went wrong, just focus on all of the good parts. You made it through it. Now, take a deep breath and relax.

What holiday stressors do you have?

How do you deal?

I'm a person, not a label.

I've never been one to like the labels that society puts on people. Maybe it's because society chooses to put so many on my life. I've also never been one to bare my thoughts and feelings for all to hear/see. But I've recently had to come to terms with adding more societal labels to my collection. Maybe it's just all the drama going on in my life and in the world, but I'm just tired of just being a set of labels.

I've dealt with labels my entire life; truly, we all do. Let's face it, I was the fifteen year old who had a baby out of wedlock. I was a single mother, a slut, a whore; the list goes on. In reality, I was just a naive girl with a really interesting and twisted fate. The looks, the whispers; it's something I learned to deal with and pretended they didn't get to me. I've come a long way from those days, and I proved all of those people wrong the day I walked across the stage at my college graduation.

Now, I'm married to the love of my life, who happens to be a woman just as I am.Therefore society says I'm a lesbian. Better yet, we're told we break away from the "stereotypical lesbian." What does even that mean? What's a "stereotypical" lesbian? What you mean because we don't have short hair and wear masculine clothes? Have these people met many lesbians? So now we must have yet another label: feminine or "fem". On the flip-side, what these same people supposedly call "stereotypical lesbians" are given even more labels: butch or dyke. I hate when someone looks at me, after finding out I'm married to a woman, and says, "Oh, I didn't know, you don't look like a lesbian." Or wait for it..."Who's the guy in your relationship?" Umm...do you know the dictionary definition of a lesbian? Yes? No? Let me enlighten you, we're both women.

Everyday society places labels upon us based on our beliefs, our feelings, our attitude, our choices, and things completely out of our control.

Society has added that I am ADHD, I have anxiety, and I'm depressed. Let's add more: I'm a failure, attention seeking, worthless...where do the labels end? It's time we quit looking at the labels and begin looking at the person.

Thankfully, our little man does not see labels. See our little man has a very diverse group of friends both in gender and ethnicity; he has ever since he started daycare at three. Maybe we could all learn a little from our children. We aren't born with these prejudices; it's learned.

Last year, like me, our little man was diagnosed with ADHD. We struggled with his diagnosis and the thought of putting him on medication for a while. Thankfully, we did and he has benefited greatly from it. We were also told that he hits closely to being diagnosed with Asperger's because he hit 6/15 markers on the Autism scale. And he has a speech impairment due to improper articulation. Now...you might think that this child I'm describing is a hyper, loner child who does poorly in school. That's not the case though. We don't use his "disabilities" as an excuse. No he makes straight A's in school. He made a perfect score on the state math test last year and did very well in the other subject areas. He is currently being tested for the gifted program at school. This same child dances and acts. (Whoa, the labels that can come from those alone.) He has friends. Yes, he is socially awkward at times. Yes, he has moments of high activity and lack of focus. But he's still a child. He's a ten year old boy. He's our son. None of those other labels matter at the end of the day.

One of the biggest fights we have to conquer first is being more than our labels. Don't let the labels that society places on you define or change who you know yourself as.

My challenge for you: Start seeing the person instead of the label. 

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year from our family to yours!

We're hoping you'll be seeing a lot more from us this year! We hope that 2014 was as great of a year for you as it was for us! We are starting 2015 off with a BANG on Friday with our wedding, and we can't wait to see what else the year has in store for us! We hope that everyone has a marvelous New Years and that you make the most of 2015!

Share your goals and resolutions for this year with us in the comments below!

Head Spinning

Wow! It has been almost 10 months since I've been on here! My head is absolutely spinning out of control right now. Here's a short and condensed version of the last 10 months...

Vlogs--We dropped the ball a long time ago! Oops! It's a whole lot harder to keep up with the vlogs with our schedules than we thought it would be. I really hope we can get back to them very soon!

Lil Man--He is having a great year in 3rd grade! We ended up visiting a adolescent behavioral specialist in late Sept after some concerns. He has since been diagnosed with ADHD and is on medication. We were very hesitant to go the medication route and stressed long and hard over it. It has helped him so much in the early part of his day. He is able to concentrate during his reading and writing time in class which has always been the biggest struggle areas for him academically. We're beginning to notice that it may be negatively effecting him in the later part of the day and making it harder for him to concentrate. We go back for his 3 month follow-up in Jan. His specialist also mentioned that he hits on 6 out of 15 markers for the Aspergers/Autism spectrum leaving him in a very grey area. He could grow out of them or they could increase in prevalence. He is going to a speech class for 30 mins (1 day per week) to work on his "r" sound. Overall, we still have a very happy, loving 9 year old! He has really developed a love for independent reading this year, and we are so happy to see that! He is growing so much in his writing as well! We're so excited for him and the academic strives he has made so far this school year!

Dance--He finished out his first competition year in June in Panama City Beach, FL. He came in as first runner-up for National Mr. Petite Dance. He had a great first year with his solo! Things are in full swing again! He's in the studio for 8 hours a week (or more lately with recital coming up). This week is recital week! We have 2 days of dress rehearsal then Saturday is show day with 2 shows! As far as competition this year, he is doing a new solo and a duet. He is so excited about his duet partner. She is one of the sweetest little girls, and they became really good friends last year. After recital on Saturday, we're taking Sunday for a rest, then we're hitting these competition dances full force! The first competition is Valentine's weekend.

Work--Manda is still at TJMaxx. Her schedule is crazy, insane as always. Especially right now because it's holiday season in retail. She's still looking for and hoping to find a teaching position!

I started as a half-time Special Ed teacher/half-time EIP tutor in late Sept. There is good and bad to it, but on most days I love my job! It's definitely nothing short of interesting!

Home/General Life--We adopted a cat last Oct (as seen in vlogs) and then we took in a stray a few months ago in August. We are so ready to start looking for a house. The search begins late Jan/early Feb! I'm still staying crazy busy with lesson planning, IEP meetings, tutoring, coach Road Runners, running Lil Man to dance, and wedding planning. There's not enough time in the day! I've seriously considered hiring a part-time nanny! Especially, since we're getting ready to add on to our lil family next year!

Wedding Planning--We are only 24 days away!! AHHH!! I feel like there's still so much to get done! And the budget continues to grow and the money available continues to shrink! Ugh talk about stress! But we are so excited to have our wedding on our 6th anniversary. It's been a long time coming, and we're so ready for it! It's so exciting and nerve racking all at the same time!