The holidays can be an absolutely magical time of year. However, it can also be a very stressful time of the year, especially if you already suffer from anxiety. Let me say, I love holidays and I love
the idea of holiday gatherings. I really do
love the holiday season, but sometimes my anxiety can take over and make holiday gatherings insufferable.
Let's face it, even if you don't experience anxiety throughout the rest of the year, the holidays can be stressful. Gift buying, travel plans, logistics of get-togethers, small talk...the list goes on.
Holiday family gatherings are a huge stress point. You're getting ready. Did I wrap all the presents? Did I forget anyone? What should I wear? Did I wear this last year? Will it be hot or cold in the house? How long does it take to get there? What time should I leave? Should I arrive early? Who all will be there this year?
You arrive and find yourself making small talk with your
irritating lovely family members. Maybe it's your uncle who is just socially unacceptable, your grandmother who is the ultimate scrooge, your sibling who's short fuse could cause an explosion at any moment, or maybe it's your sweet aunt who is overly concerned with the details of your life.
Finally, dinner is ready. Do you fix your plate first or do you wait until others start? Who do you sit beside? For my family, we have to strategically place people at the dinner table to relieve individual stressors. What will the topics of discussion be at the table? Will someone get upset?
You make it through dinner, with or without a hitch; it's over. Now it's time to exchange presents. Who passes out presents? Who opens first or does everyone open at once? Is anyone paying attention? Did I spend enough or too much? Does he/she like my present? Wait, what did my face look like when I opened that gift?
You pulled through the present exchanges. More small talk? When do I leave? Do I leave first or wait until someone else leaves? Do I want to take leftovers?
Now you're home. Did I leave too early? Did he/she
really like my gift? Was I smiling when I opened sweet aunt's odd gift?
Does any of this sound familiar? Most, if not all, of these go through my head before, during, and after
every holiday gathering. I constantly feel like I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack.
Here's some ways to deal with some of the holiday gathering stressors:
Stay busy. If waiting around and mingling is a concern for you, keep yourself busy. Ask your host if you can help with something. Or maybe you can get some quality time in with the little ones of the family.
The small talk. Whether in moments of waiting, at the table, or whenever; all small talk cannot always be avoided. Think of some ways to compliment family members and ways to respond to compliments. Also, think about how you can respond to those prying questions ahead of time so that you don't have to have a mini panic attack in your head when they're asked.
Dinner and leftovers. If this is an issue for you, think about how you can handle it. If your host doesn't have a seating arrangement, then before dinner, decide who you can sit beside. Do you want leftovers? Maybe you know you won't eat them, but you can't make yourself tell your well-meaning host "no thanks." It's ok to take a small helping of leftovers you may not eat to avoid a stressful inner debate.
The gifts. Thankfully, my family has now set a dollar limit on how much we spend on each other (just the adults), so the stress of whether I spent the same, more, or less is not a concern anymore. Discuss with your family about setting a per person spending limit. We have the kids pass out the gifts from under the tree. And we either go from youngest to oldest; take turns youngest, oldest, next youngest, next oldest; or pass out and open one gift at a time. It's best to discuss it with you family and decide beforehand if possible.
Support. Do you have a significant other or close family member who understands you? Or maybe you can bring a friend? Have a support system in place to help calm your nerves. If you don't have someone that can be there with you, arrange with friend or other family member to be able to text or call them when you need a break.
Don't wait. You know what it feels like when you're on the verge of an anxiety attack. You also know signs that your anxiety is setting in. (Although sometimes, it hits too quickly to realize it beforehand.) Ahead of time, think about strategies you use on a regular basis to calm yourself. As soon as you feel your anxiety building, put them to use. Take deep breaths, close your eyes, walk outside or to another room, visualize your "happy place," or whatever helps you.
Look for the positive. Even if you have a lot of holiday stressors, there is
something that you enjoy about your family get-togethers. Keep reminding yourself that it's coming. Or when you've made it through a particularly stressful situation, reward yourself. Maybe that means a mental praise of yourself, a goofy grin, or an extra piece of pie; just do it.
Plan ahead. One of the biggest ways to help make those holiday get-togethers less stressful is to plan ahead as much as possible. In stead of waiting until the day of to plan your outfit and travel times, do it the day or even the week before the event. If you're afraid to wear the same outfit as last year, then look back at last year's pictures before planning your outfit. Or treat yourself to a new snazzy outfit. Most all of the other stressor topics above can be helped with some pre-planning as well.
Now, that's not to say that you need to try to plan every single small detail of the event to avoid
all of your stressors. Just focus on your major stress points and plan those details. For the rest, just think over the possibilities to help calm yourself as needed.
And when it's over, instead of stressing about what you
think went wrong, just focus on all of the good parts. You made it through it. Now, take a deep breath and relax.
What holiday stressors do you have?
How do you deal?
